VBlog – Dont Bring Ur Heart on Your Sleeve to Reality TV
dealing with criticism is not always easy, even for a veteran like me. i decided to pop the cam on specifically because i could feel myself getting emotional and i was hoping maybe by talking it out i could help ground myself, and maybe help someone else in their path. i know a lot of people have this view of me that everything is easy, everything works out perfectly for me, i never suffer or struggle, blah blah. that is so far from the truth. i am a ridiculous perfectionist with certain things. i’ll discount an entire performance for messing up a step. i will cringe for 15 years after saying something stupid or doing work im not happy with, but i leave that as mostly an internal dialogue because i know it doesnt help me get my job done well or make me happy. a lot of things dont work out, i’ve learned to move on. most of the time i dont allow myself a moment let myself be upset and also let it out, but in the interest of being OPEN here i am.
i despise faux drama so much, i’m clearly not built for so-called ‘reality tv’. i suppose i was expecting to hear ‘questions’ about my project as they had told me prior, instead it was a quick shred of how they didnt understand my project. 30 seconds on a timer is too short explain an innovative socially responsible cross-platform branding concept and how all the revenue is generated. see, it took me 10 seconds just to say that line!
i definitely am not looking for sympathy or ‘oh im so sorry’ or ‘feel better’, because i really am fine, so please don’t comment that. i simply lost sight of the nature of the Reality Show beast and was completely blindsided. i was pissed when i left, they asked me back and i refused. success doesnt have to be a battle to the death and a barrage of nasty soundbites, it can be created with inspiration and having others see your vision. they asked me for innovation and then didnt understand my revenue streams when they werent standard. my projects are going to happen with or without a pissy host and completing a bunch of inane challenges, they are already underway.
im totally conflicted about ‘what im willing to do’ to make my projects happen though. a lot truly, but does that include putting up with someone who is trying to be a character to push my buttons instead of listening for value and worth? dedication and unstoppability at some point become whoring. do ends justify means? i can look at this experience as preparing me to respond to criticism objectively, but its different when someone is specifically trying to knock you. i would definitely have reacted more positively to criticism if he knew my background… as any good business person should be informed. perhaps part of my upset is simply the frustration that everything seems to perpetuate heightened negative drama and train wreck psychology.
he said he didnt see any reason why he should give me the investment money. i have no idea who this guy is. i looked him up yesterday and found nothing….why should i trust HIM with my business ideas? i can guarantee him he’s seen ME before somewhere at least ten times. after his ‘well, i hope you can dance because i cant see anything here’ comment, it just dawned on me how i am so F***ing tired of having to prove myself in the dance world over and over again. i get that its all for camera… but that paradigm needs to change. buddy, i dont see any reason why i should partner with YOU and give my cred to your project. guess to some degree i was auditioning THEM, so how dare you! lol. being indignant and offended is not my best angle, so i will set it aside.
i hope this vid doesnt come across as whiny. or like a daily affirmation. im looking hard at why i got so emotional, because that wont get me anywhere. maybe because these projects are something that i am willing to give up dancing for. its given me resolve to prove that if art and business are not mired in greed, the result can be even more successful. im willing to COMPETE for an opportunity, not so willing to play games (except when they’re fun games with my own rules!).
ok im done. its out of my system. here’s my process for you all to see.
note to self: others’ opinions dont matter until i LET them.
Steven Marker via Facebook
April 17th, 2011
I <3 you.
Christopher Apollo Rodriguez
April 18th, 2011
Thank you for sharing your experience!
Jase Parker via Facebook
April 18th, 2011
Thanks for sharing this experience with the world. Honestly, I get exactly the same way that you do when it comes to rejection, and I was tearing up with you while watching that vlog. I just wanted to hug you until it the hurt went away. Just remember that lots of people, myself included, love you and believe in you. OXOXO *sniffles* :’)
Kevin Stea
April 18th, 2011
thanks for listening!
LMNOPGregory.net via Facebook
April 18th, 2011
This is SO mentally healthy, Kevin. We forget the role of lament. We are told to tamp it down filling ourselves up with so much pent up emotion that there is no room for new experiences. Open it up, lament it to the world, & it frees us. In Italy everyone knows this. I suspect you knew about it’s healthiness before your years there.
Thanks for this vlog, really!
John Stea via Facebook
April 18th, 2011
Tis true: no room for thin skin in show biz lol
Kevin Stea via Facebook
April 18th, 2011
Right?! Now I’m laughing at myself for getting so worked up… Guess I just had to give myself a moment… And probably some food would have helped! What’s that phrase… H.A.L.T? Hungry angry lonely tired? BLAM!